All the World's a Stage

All the World’s a Stage…..

One of our more in-demand roles is that of audience. Sometimes it is just in our house, when they have put together a skit or a “routine” using costumes and microphones and dance moves we had no idea they knew how to execute. They love to announce their acts, and take bows, and we applaud appreciatively and with gusto, whatever the caliber.
Sometimes we venture to their venues to see them perform. Recently I went to my first karate tournament, and got there in time to watch Noah, almost 10, grapple. Since he had weighed in at one pound into the next weight class, he was a novice in this group, and his mother was skeptical of his chances. When his name was called and his opponent came to the mat, we gasped as he had been paired with King Kong! No kidding, this boy had to have been a full foot taller and 20-30 pounds heavier, and had the aura of one who knows not defeat. Noah astounded us by being the first to attack, and he even got the kid to the mat before being “submitted” in a chokehold. I found I’d been holding my breath the entire time, and was so glad it was over that I loudly exhaled. Since two of his younger siblings were getting restless by then, I gallantly offered to take them to their home and feed them while the rest of the family stayed for Noah’s remaining events. Phew.
Molly was the first to take dance lessons, and the next year she was joined by her brother, Ryan, and her cousin, Megan. Emma lives in a different area, and so her recital was a separate event. Last year it was Molly and Ryan who entertained a whole gaggle of us at the recital. The cousins love to see each other on stage, and delight in bringing flowers to the performers. Depending on what day and what time of day the recital is held, we combine it with either a meal or ice cream to make it more festive. It is great fun for everyone when we go to something as a group to watch other family members perform.
Arianna, the oldest of the children, has been in two school plays, and we have attended both, clapping enthusiastically and bringing flowers as a tribute for her hard work. We have attended kindergarten graduations for Molly and Emma, Christmas pageant at church for Noah, Molly, Ryan and Ian, a bridal show in which Emma was the model flower girl, a Thanksgiving feast, young authors’ sharing, baseball and flag football games….. and we know there are many more to come.
We try to be judicious in what we say “yes” to; at first we felt duty-bound to go to everything, but not anymore. For one thing, with 9 grandchildren, there are just way too many things happening to expect to attend them all. For another, some of them simply do not interest me/us. I never want to go on another school field trip again if I can help it. Because I taught for 36 years, I definitely had my fill. So I decline. Some school performances should be only for the parents; the rooms are crowded, stuffy, and airless, and we think that the parents feel so badly about all of it (how it is impacting us) that it just makes it easier if we stay home. Certainly we will endure less than great conditions if it is truly an important event, but not for every school function that comes along. And that is the true beauty of grand parenting: we don’t have to do it all!

Tip #21: Give yourself a break! Cut yourselves some slack! You have earned the privilege of not having to go to everything in which your grandchild participates; that is, after all, the parents’ obligation. Pick and choose those things you think are the most important, and/or that you would most enjoy. Take lots of pictures, praise lavishly but not hyperbolically, and always find a way to insinuate food into the equation. Perhaps offering to baby-sit for siblings who might be disruptive if they were forced to attend might be a way to compromise, if you are feeling guilty. Above all, foster whatever talents they display, but let them perform for you whenever the spirit moves them. You will remember these moments long after the spotlight fades…..

Spring is.....well, springing!

Spring is….well, springing!

T.S. Eliot said, "April is the cruelest month”, and before I had grandchildren, I heartily agreed with him. It held the promise of milder temperatures and relief from the dull gray skies and withered brown limbs, yet rarely delivered. Mostly it meant mud season, chilly winds, and the tease of that rare day in which the sun heated us up just enough to reclaim a memory of warmth.

However, now that I have grandkids who have been caged all winter, spring brings release and hope and pure joy because of all the things to do, or revisit, or explore, or try for the first time. A walk around the neighborhood can take two hours as we stop to listen to the water gushing through the storm drains, or ride bikes or the wagon to our neighbor, Traudi’s, fabulous yard. She instructs them on how the birds use the houses she has perched and suspended everywhere. They see the shoots just beginning in the flower beds, and observe her preparations for planting her vegetable garden, which they will visit several more times as it grows and produces. From her they learn how delicious raw peas are, and how exciting it is to see a cucumber or a squash emerging under the vines. It amazes them (and me, too!) that every spring the birds return, and the seeds they help plant actually materialize into tomatoes and green beans and carrots.

Once again we break out some of our favorite things to do: bubbles, sidewalk chalk, bike riding and butterfly chasing. Everyone pitches in to help remove the debris that has accumulated over the winter. The children love to be included in the work party, and being apprenticed to this task will help them when they have homes of their own. They can rake and drag and shovel and spread mulch. We take breaks to play tag, or….. one of our very favorite activities, splash in the puddles left by those April showers. The lilac bushes need to be examined for buds, and we practice saying “forsythia” until we get it reasonably correct. There are many children’s poems about spring, and Shel Silverstein in particular has a host of them.

The sheer joy of being outdoors, experiencing freedom of movement after a season of containment, is contagious. Some days we still need winter jackets and gloves, while others allow us to revert to shirtsleeves…no matter. We play catch, badminton, tag, Hide ‘n Seek, and listen to the peepers. The cycle renews itself, and the older children indoctrinate the younger ones in experiencing mother’s nature’s renewal of their physical world, while we constantly point out and discuss what we are seeing, hearing, smelling and even tasting. Our spirits lift to the sky, and we eagerly await what we know is coming……

Tip #20: Get outside. Take the time to ever so slowly look around you, and even get down close to the ground to take note of what is happening. Stop to check out the worms and other crawly things. Neighbors won’t mind if you carefully look at their yards, and some will even come out to chat with you and the kids. It is the taking of the time to do these things that is so critically important….. and don’t forget the camera, too!

Quick Comment

Reminder:

Just wanted to thank whomever the anonymous commenters are, and to urge all blog readers to click on the comments listed at the end of each post. Valuable tips are being written by other readers, and I hope you all are aware of them. I also hope that many more of you will feel free to add your strategies, tips, suggestions, and advice, whether you identify yourself or not. My intent all along was to get the ball rolling and hope that many more of you seasoned grandparents would chime in on the different topics. Also, if there is a topic you would like addressed, please do not hesitate to ask.

On the top lefthand corner of the blog is a link called "Atlantic Avenue". This is written by a talented writer whom I first met in the role of parent of one of my most delightful students. Try accessing her as I think you will find her writing on many and varied topics quite literate and incredibly entertaining.

I hope to get into a pattern of posting regularly each week, but I beg your indulgence as I try to stabilize my life into something more predictable.....or not!

You Say It's Your Birthday......

You Say It’s Your Birthday……

Let me just say up front that I love birthdays, and not just my own (though I am growing a tad less fond of mine as I enter the nether realms of age….). It is the one day of the year that is entirely your own. You need marching bands, balloons, favors, and the people you love most to celebrate with you. You need birthday traditions, so each child knows what he/she is entitled to as the reigning birthday queen or king, and has certain things to look forward to each year.

For example, on your birthday in our family you get to choose your birthday meal, soup (no child ever chooses soup!) to nuts, and almost no holds barred. Owen turned five recently, and he selected cheese pizza, garden and fruit salad, garlic bread (probably the only time bread and pizza would be served together), cupcakes, and two kinds of ice cream. Yes, you may have some of both if you cannot make up your mind. Next week is Molly’s birthday, and she shared that she is opting for spaghetti and meatballs, garlic bread, cooked carrots, but did not mention dessert yet. Oh, and this meal selection holds true for the grownups as well. In addition to the version of “Happy Birthday” that ends each line with “cha, cha, cha” and booty shaking, you also get to pick whether you want the operatic, heavy metal, country western or traditional rendition sung to you by your guests.

Noah’s first birthday was an exercise in excess. We were all just plain nuts. I don’t remember how many people attended, or how many presents he received, but it was definitely over the top. I am pleased to say that sanity now prevails. Mostly the children have a venue party with a few guests their own age, often not on their actual birthday because of school. I know they have done bowling, Chucky Cheese, an arcade place now out of business, kids’ gym, karate, and (present favorite) a place called Jump Right In! which has those contraptions filled with balls into which the children jump. Most of these places provide cake, paper goods, and maybe even drinks, and then you leave the mess and go home. We are not expected to attend these events, for which we are most grateful. Typically we have a quiet dinner with the guest of honor. Since Ari’s birthday is on Halloween, the kids come early, have dinner with her, and then they all go out Trick or Treating in our neighborhood….kind of like double dipping!

Molly and Noah each sent out invitations that said, “No presents for me, please, but here is a list of things needed by David’s House (a place akin to the Ronald McDonald House where families of children needing treatment at Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center can stay for whatever they can afford to pay) and had their guests provide those items if they wanted to bring something. As you can see by the picture, they got quite a haul, and then took a field trip to see the house and where their gifts were going. They still got gifts from family, but they had so much already that their parents thought this was a way to get them started thinking of others and sharing their good fortune.

We have had piñatas; some filled with toys, some with candy, and you pull ribbons rather than bash it with sticks. One tablecloth was actually a drawing pad, and the kids used the crayons to color on it while eating and waiting for the grand finale. The kids love pin the tale on the donkey, but do it with two sided tape rather than pins. They also love crowns and sitting at the head of the table.

Sometimes we get dressed up for the celebrations. Think about the investment in Halloween costumes that get worn only one day each year. How about wearing them to the birthday party? Pick a theme, or come as you are, or have a box of costumes there for the kids to don after they arrive. This will definitely liven things up a bit, and make it all a bit more interesting!

Now that we are grandparents, we are more concerned with our gifts being meaningful, having some relevance. Many children have savings accounts, or even special accounts into which you can deposit money and it will not impact taxes. Savings bonds are still a decent idea. Magazine subscriptions bring a gift to the door 12 months of the year. Check out National Geographic Little Kids and then graduate to Kids. Cobblestone and Cricket, American Girl, Ranger Rick and Nickelodeon all have publications. I buy clothes at the end of the season, so now for Molly I have summer things I bought last August at a fraction of their cost if I was to go to the store today. Marshall’s and TJ Maxx continue to carry very “cool” clothing, desirable designer and brand names, good quality, but yet reasonable. Gift cards to bookstores also make a great gift, since it is hard to know what books/puzzles they already have. Webkinz have been top of the list for a while now, but, again, unless you get a specific assignment (Owen wanted a turtle), it is hard not to replicate. We have worked hard for our discretionary funds and do not wish to waste them on foolishness or more “stuff” to add to the clutter. We discuss options both with the parents and the children. Then we do what we want. We are the grandparents.

Tip #19: Make birthdays extra special by making a big deal out of them, though that does not necessarily mean spending a lot of money. Make sure you send a card in the mail as children love receiving post. If you can find a way to teach them to share their good fortune, all the better. Join in the celebration and help to make them feel they are VIPs for the day. Take tons of pictures, and don’t spare the hugs. Birthdays offer the opportunity to do what we do best: indulge ‘em!

Food, Glorious Food!

Food, Glorious Food!

Almost everything we do involves food……always has, always will. There must be a genetic component, and our poor children got it from both our sides. We could fight it, but what’s the point? We try to advocate for healthy choices, but what is camp without multi colored fruit pancakes (aka M & Ms), or s’mores with toasted marshmallows? What is the mountain house (timeshare in Feb.) without the ice bucket full of candy, and the snack cabinet filled to bursting? Going to visit our new cousin, Owen? Why not sit on the bed admiring him and chomping on chips? Noah is even gallantly offering them to Emma first!
Of course, summertime is filled with many trips to the ice cream stores, and none is better (or bigger!) than the one in Maine on the way home from camp….. it almost makes the leaving bearable! Everyone loves the cones at Grammy’s and Grampy’s, even though they don’t realize they are our Weight Watcher's treats! The children have breakfast rituals when they sleep over, among which is stealing Grampa’s banana! Sometimes we just grab an old blanket and spread out in the back yard to make ordinary food more exciting. Sometimes we eat on the boat, and sometimes we all sit together at the table.
In our family, just about all of the men cook, and I don’t mean only on the grill (although one or two do restrict themselves to that mode!). Noah, almost 10, recently became quite interested in cooking, and has now made several things which have mostly been successful and big hits. For Christmas he received both cookbooks and an apron. When the kids visit, they often help with baking and, more recently, in food prep. Even the littlest ones can help make Jello or brownies, and licking the bowl provides the quintessential photo opportunity! Finally they are old enough to start peeling and cutting, filling salt and pepper shakers, setting the table and pouring drinks. Every time they are involved, chaos and discontent vanish. They love being a part of the whole production.
Yes, we keep stashes of certain foods in the house for when they visit, especially when they are going through finicky phases, or staying for an overnight. For the most part they eat what we eat, but what would a grandparents’ house be without mac ‘n cheese, hot dogs, and bagel bites? And sometimes, you just feel like a devil dog you know…..
When we offer choices, it is almost always limited to two—none of this smorgasbord of main entrees which overwhelms and ultimately defeats them because they just can’t decide. So, tuna or hot dogs? Juice or milk? Carrots or string beans? Wheat bread or a roll? Cereal or eggs? You are still building decision-making skills, but let’s get a grip on how many selections a four year old really needs to hone the skill! When we are having something they haven’t tried before, we always encourage a “no thank you” serving. Grampa tells them that as they grow, their taste changes, as in toys and books and bedtime friends, and so do their taste buds. For some reason, this logic seems to work, and most of them will try the beets or parsnips or roast pork they eschewed upon first offering. Many times they refuse additional samplings, but Grampa just tells them to come back about every 6 months and try again!
One thing one of our daughters has done is to discourage saying, “I hate broccoli, or milk, or whatever, as it sounds so drastically negative and makes you look like you have a very closed mind. She has taught her kids to say, “I am not a fan of tomatoes, or brussel sprouts, or mashed potatoes….” . It makes the whole exchange so much more pleasant.
We do keep a candy dish, on the counter but out of reach of most of them. Yet they know it is there, and we often observe them checking it out shortly after arriving. We think they are deciding whether they want to try to negotiate for a sample or not, and chuckle at how adept they are becoming in getting what they want (or so we let them think!).

Tip #18: As grandparents, you are no longer charged with setting good eating habits. Sure, you should be some kind of role model, and not spend your time with them eating bonbons and sipping caloric libations, but come on! What good is it if you don’t get to indulge them when it comes to food? Around what are your own memories of being with your grandparents centered? Both of my sets of grandparents were perfectly awful in the culinary department (one boiled everything that made its way to the table, and the other believed that “brown was cooked, but black was done!”, and yet I remember meals at their homes with great fondness. The act of helping with preparations and then gathering together around a table (or two) seems to soothe the soul. And a little something sweet for your mouth at the meal’s conclusion never hurts!