The Extended Family

The Extended Family

The holidays bring us all together to share meals, gifts, conversation, and the pure joy of being together. I love that the cousins get to have these traditions, and I hope they will continue for years to come. I wonder what happened to my own cousins with whom I spent so many happy times.

Early this morning when we were alone and preparing for the day, we talked about how one day we will no longer be able to host the family as we do now. My husband loves to have them come to us as he is most comfortable in his own home. He does most of the cooking, and he likes to use his own oven and utensils. I think he feels more in control here, and he always has something to do rather than having to spend the entire time in conversation, though with the immediate family that is not a problem. He loves having the kids around and shows them how to do things. Today my younger brother was able to join us, and he fit in so naturally it just felt right. The children simply accept that he is a part of all of this, though I doubt many of them know who he really is.

I try to explain to them the different relationships: cousins, aunts, uncles, friends who are close enough to be relatives, but it is overwhelming for them. The older ones knew one great grandmother, but they don't know whose mother she was....Grampa has four brothers, and they really only see two of them on even a sporadic basis. I show them pictures of Christmases past, and talk to them about these others, so maybe someday it will make sense to them.

One thing that made us all quite happy today was seeing Arianna, the daughter of our son's ex-wife. Though she has no legal ties with our son, she was a part of our family for nearly ten years, and it has been very strange to have her just gone from our lives. She is now living with her mother and estranged from our son, whom she called "dad" since she was 18 months old, and the cousins had no idea that she was anything other than a regular cousin, just like them. They seemed so happy to see her, and she them. I thought it strange that none asked any questions, like where have you been or how are you? Our son seemed genuinely delighted to see her, and it lifted everyone's spirits, even though it was a very brief visit....her mother was waiting in the car and probably very uncomfortable with the situation.

Though holidays bring much enjoyment, they can also be "sticky" and require patience and understanding. Having family to encircle the children as they grow helps them to feel loved and secure.

Tip #52: Try to bring the extended family into the lives of the grandchildren as often as possible. Explain relationships and encourage questions. It is work to gather family under one roof, but it will help the children to know they are connected to others and loved.

Thorny Issue #2:Divorce

The Pain of Divorce

Recently our son and his wife divorced after a period of on again and off again trying to work things out. It really doesn't matter whose "fault" any of it is, because in every relationship there are two people involved, and only they know the details. It is also counterproductive for the children to have family members placing blame and casting aspersions on either parent. That said, divorce is never easy, and it is particulary hard on the children, no matter how good the intentions are of everyone involved.

As a parent/grandparent I found it very difficult to be relegated to observer, and to keep my mouth shut. I knew I needed to, but I cannot convey how painful and difficult this has been. Yet I know that our struggle is nothing when compared to that of the family involved. What is particularly hard is that it is both your child and your grandchildren suffering, and you are powerless to alleviate it for them. All you can do is be there as support: listening (without commenting), helping with child care, conveying unconditional love when tempers grow raw and situations seem dismal.

Then there is the question of what do you tell the other family members, particularly the children, and when do you tell them? How much can they understand? How can one person be a regular part of their lives one day, and gone the next? What if the person leaving the family is a godparent to one of the children? What if there has been a close relationship, and now it is gone?

How do you handle conversations about the missing parent at family gatherings? Our son wanted his wedding picture removed from the living room wall, so we took it down. No one has said anything, but they must be feeling something. Also we removed the small book of their wedding photos which rested with the others on the coffee table. Certainly the children have noticed, but I have not addressed it.

We are careful to never be negative about their mother as she will always be their mother and always be the mother of our grandchildren. Handing off the children from time to time causes us to come in contact, but I don't think it is very comfortable for any of us. Overall, it is just very sad and very difficult for the children who don't understand why their parents no longer love each other. Could they one day no longer love them? They are angry and hurt and confused, and this has been one of the most difficult things with which we have had to deal so far.

The pictures show the celebration of our son's birthday this month. Since the girls are too young to get their own presents, I decided to help them. I did not know if/what their mother might do about the birthday, and was pleased that she helped Megan have a surprise waiting for her daddy when he got home from work that day. I am sure we will figure this all out as time passes, and the pain will abate somewhat, but I am worried about the girls' emotional well-being, and I am also concerned about our son. I hope some day he will build a relationship that will nurture him and bring him happiness, but, in the mean time, the focus is the children.

Tip #51: Divorce is difficult and painful, but paying attention to the children and focusing on them is of great importance. Be careful not to allow feeling sorry for them to cause you to overindulge and create yet another problem. Love and kindness and understanding are tantamount....that, and referring back to tip #1, keeping your mouth shut. Try to find someone you trust who has been through it, and listen well to advice. Acknowledge that this is very difficult for everyone.

Thorny Issues #1

Thorny Issues

I think it best if I start small now that I am going to venture into this morass. I tried to start with mostly positive, pro-active explorations and suggestions, but I am beginning to sound like Pollyanna, and I certainly know that parenting and grandparenting can be incredibly challenging and full of land mines. So here goes.

Let's talk about clothing. People of my generation (let's just say over 50) have very specific ideas of what is "appropriate" dress. I don't mean just casual or dressy, but even length, layers, bare skin, etc. Some of the styles today, particularly for girls, are....well...not to be too crass, sluttish. Little girls look like hookers. I hate them. However, I cannot come right out and say that, especially if the clothing is actually on the child. Boys often look like they still have their pjs on or the clothing is ripped (on purpose, no less!). Children arrive in mid-winter with no boots, hats or zipped jackets, or in summer with nothing to change into after getting wet under the hose, sprinkler or dipping into the ocean. I am excluding my 9 grandchildren here as I truly feel that my own children and their spouses try very hard to have their children dress with some sense of decorum. I don't remember our own children expressing strong views on what they wore as young children, so it astounds me when I see/hear a three year old dressed in a rag tag collection of articles of clothing which the parent says he/she chose and could not be dissuaded from wearing. Oh, yes, and the whole issue of choice. Parents seem to feel that if they don't allow their children to make choices about everything, somehow they will be stullified....so the kids face dozens of choices all day long, overwhelming choices because of the sheer number of them, and then looking like something that Mom and Dad don't have the time to really see....how else could they possibly bring them out in public looking like that? I will say that almost all parents today are very careful about sunscreen and bug spray, which is definitely an improvement over our generation. I am afraid that we allowed our children to burn and peel on a regular basis, and encouraged them to swat at the bugs if they were bothered by them.

Nobody irons anything anymore. Many young parents came in for parent conferences a mass of wrinkles; many of our younger teachers looked like they rolled out of bed and into whatever they found on the floor. Children rarely look purposefully groomed for an outing. Perhaps parents' lives are simply too busy to pay attention to such matters, but it is disheartening to see how much they are willing to spend for designer clothing with brands plastered all over items, and yet do nothing to eliminate the rolled up and kept in a bag look.

I suppose I sound like a curmudgeon, but it is something that bothers me from time to time. It is certainly not the "thorniest" of the issues I hope to discuss here, but a starting point. I believe I have mentioned before my belief that children get responded to differently depending on how they are dressed. That initial impression causes the child to be greeted in a positive way or not, often sending warm, approving vibes before words are exchanged. This makes the child automatically feel appreciated and approved. You don't have to buy expensive clothing to achieve this...but you do have to have a voice in the selection, and attempt to keep clothing reasonably wrinkle-free and laundered. Don't my grandchildren look great in these pictures?

Tip #50: Although you probably have to keep your mouth shut if you don't like the way your grandchildren are dressing, perhaps you could show the parents this entry? Buy clothing that you deem appropriate but not too geeky or nerdy? Take your grandchildren clothes shopping and assist in the selection? You must not foist your taste on them as then you may be responsible for teasing by peers, and never trusted again. 'Tis a ticklish issue, and one that may appear not worth fighting on the surface.

Grandparent Rivalry and Fairness

Grandparent Rivalry and Fairness

Recently a city newspaper with wide circulation ran an article about competing grandparents. Adult children find themselves caught when one grandparent, or set of grandparents, lavishes money and gifts on the children, while the other(s) either cannot or choose not to do so. Since this has not been a problem for us (yet), I had not thought too much about it; however, the newspaper piece certainly had everyone talking, so I am guessing that we are quite lucky in this regard. We rarely know what toys, clothing or money comes from the other grandparents. Occasionally one of the children might say, "My nana gave me this", or I might even ask, "That is a really cool toy--where did you get it?". Most of the time I am blithely unaware of the origin of most things. I do believe there is way too much "stuff" in all of our lives, and so have resolved to do more in the vein of helping to pay for an activity, sport, or summer program/camp. That way the children will be developing or fostering an interest and maybe learning something as well. Does anyone buy savings bonds anymore? I know I used to, but they seem to have gone by the wayside. I was mighty glad we had them when our own children were going to college, getting married, buying a car....whatever was of great importance to them and for which they needed money. What a great surprise it was to them to learn they had these savings bonds given to them for christening, birthday, Christmas, etc., when they were too little to even know what they were! Do any of you have suggestions for gifts that are not more toys to clutter up their already overcrowded homes?

We are also fortunate in that we don't seem to have conflict re: the time we spend with each family. Our children have worked out holidays so that we each get some time, and the children aren't run ragged trying to cover all the bases. I feel strongly that this is as much the responsibility of us parents as it is of our children. If we make them feel obligated or guilty about spending each holiday with us, they will feel those things, and soon resent us or dread the holidays, or both. We try to let them know that we love spending time with them, and if they can juggle it all so that they are not strung out, we'd love to see them. It is easier now that they are a bit older; those infant years surely were a challenge, what with naps and earlier bedtimes and all. Some families alternate, spending Thanksgiving one year with one set, and Christmas with the other. Some families arrange to celebrate on a different day so that the kids can be in their own homes at least to wake up in on Christmas morning. You might even pick a weekend day before the actual holiday, or after it. When I was still teaching, this was a very painful thing for children whose parents had divorced. There was no easy solution, and though they liked getting gifts from both mom and dad, most felt torn because they had to spend equal holiday time with both....and then there were the step siblings, but I'll save that for another time! I think we can improve on our current arrangements, even, and I am sure our traditions will evolve, as has everything else.

One set of grandparents lives far away, so when they come to visit, they spend a week or more. We try to stay away during that time to let them have full rein, though we like them and usually try to get together for a meal sometime during their stay. We have gone to grandparent activities at the schools, but only when asked. So far there has not been a conflict with too many of us wanting to go, but I am sure that could happen.

I think that if one spent a whole lot more money on the kids than the other, that would be difficult. For example, a friend shared that her in-laws give the kids a trip to Disney every year (they take them, so the parents aren't included). There is no way her parents can do anything like that, so they feel like they are not doing their part. We went to Disney twice with our kids; once we accompanied one daughter, her husband and two children who were going on a Make-A-Wish trip, and we paid our own way, exchanged a timeshare in the area, and then spent the first few days helping them. The other set of grandparents then came, and we overlapped for one day. We then left them the condo so that they could have the remaining time so that we didn't overwhelm our kids with our helpfulness. Nothing more stressful than having both sets of parents hovering and asking, "What can I do to help?"! We also went with our other daughter and her husband and five children, again to help with the sheer logistics of it all. They paid for our plane fare, and we were able to secure two condos for the week. Divide and conquer worked as well for us as it did for the Romans: the two older children stayed several nights with us, and at the parks they were able to do age-appropriate things while the younger ones and their mom and dad did the real kiddie rides. All in all, I think it worked quite well, and we are willing--perhaps even eager--to do it again. Yet here is where more guilt comes in; we have not done this trip with our son and his two. As a new single parent, everything is a challenge for him (and them), and we do not know yet how to negotiate "things". So to try to even things up, we have provided him and his girls with three nights at a resort that is about a three hour drive from here for later this summer. Is it comparable to a trip to Disney? Not by a long shot, but it is the best we can do for right now.

Trying to make everything come out fairly continues to be a challenge. Some of the children are simply easier to buy for, either because I am more aware of their tastes or because they are not as picky. I try so hard to keep it all even, but fall far short. They are not old enough yet to even notice the difference, but I know. We also try to make them feel that we love them all equally. Some are more receptive to our love than others, and we have to work harder with those who need convincing. We are currently working very hard on these two areas.

I would love for you to comment on anything in this blog that strikes a chord with you. How do you handle these things? Do you have any suggestions or advice for grandparents facing these challenges? How do you handle your role of grandparent? What do you see as your responsibilities, if anything? Chuck, my husband, is the only grandfather for our daughter's five as her husband's dad died when he was 13. Chuck embraced this role and tries hard to be the kind of grandfather he wanted to have. All of the other grandparents are alive and well and very much a part of the children's lives. As the kids approach the teenage years, we are hoping to maintain our relationships with them, but we do not live in a bubble! Plus having taught mostly eighth grade (some seventh, some high school, and even some college), I am keenly aware of how burdensome we can be to them until they see the light, around age 21!

Hint #49: Try not to get into a competition with the other grandparents. Be present in your grandchildren's lives, but do not try to buy them with over-the-top expenditures for gifts and trips. As they grow older, maybe tell them about a charitable donation you are making in their name (such as to grant a Wish for a child with a life-threatening illness, or support pediatric cancer research, or help with supplies for a place like David's House where the families of hospitalized children can stay on a sliding scale). Your time is the most valuable gift you can give. Never, ever bad mouth the other grandparents for any reason. Just be you, and love them to the stars and beyond.

Let Them "Be"

Just Letting Them "Be...."

When did we stop giving children the freedom to amuse themselves? I know I am very guilty here. Whenever I know the children are coming for more than just a quick visit, I start thinking about what we can do. I gather "stuff": crayons, paper, stickers, glue, clay.....you get the idea. I fret about the amount of time we will have together, and how to fill it. I plan outdoor activities, and trips to the playgrounds and museums, if I am going to have them for extended time periods. I am not saying there is anything wrong with these things, but the notion missing in my planning is "moderation" (actually it is missing in most anything I do!).

Though it is great fun and exciting and interesting to plan all these things for the kids, recently I've been asking myself, "when do they just play?" I was babysitting at my daughter's a couple of weeks ago when the weather miraculously turned from shivery cold to a New Englander's description of "mild" (still requiring jackets), so after the older two finished their homework, we all went out into the back yard to "play". I didn't organize a thing, because I was so busy watching Jack (almost 2) explore and marvel at what he found, that I didn't pay much attention to the other four. Suddenly I had a moment of keen awareness. They were all exploring, experimenting, and totally occupying themselves with no interference from me! Curious to see how long it would last, I became simply an observer for quite a bit. Epiphany time! I did not have to orchestrate (micro manage) every second of my time with them. Left to their own devices, they were quite capable.

I know that they love to play dress up and put on "performances", but for some reason this creative capability did not transfer to other arenas of play, at least not in my mind. Imagination is a wonderful thing, but it needs to be fostered and left alone to blossom. Give the kids some empty boxes and watch what happens! Leave them to their own devices in the tub, pretend to be occupied doing something else in the room while they play, and you will be delighted with what they do! Emma hid under the laundry basket, and then discovered she could move it. Jack followed her across the living room floor, curious and astounded by this "alive" thing. They must have played this invented game for a good half hour. Who knew?

Grampa made them a puzzle board so they could build their puzzles and then move them wherever they wanted. We both would jump right in to help, but then discovered the kids taking the puzzle board to a private corner or nook so they could try it alone. Hmmm. Was it possible that they did not want or need our help? Or that maybe we should wait to be asked before we barged right in to rescue them?

If you've been reading these posts all along, you know that I feel strongly that the greatest gift we can give our grandchildren is our time (and attention), and I do still believe that. They need us to read to them, play board and card games with them, and even engage in activies such as playing catch. Now I also think we need to give them unplotted time, time during which they can invent their own games, find their own "toys" and amuse themselves through their own devices. Time to simply play. What a gift!

On another note, if you live within driving distance of Exeter, NH, consider having your child or grandchild register to ride in the second annual Kids PMC Ride, to be held in the Timberland parking lot (on the Exeter/Stratham line) on Sun., June 14th. Go to http://www.pmckids.org/ and sign them up (you may want to sign up to volunteer that day, too!). There is a $10 registration fee which gets them a tee shirt, a goody bag and a raffle ticket. Plus if they are pre-registered, they can just pick up their packet and go right to bike decorating or any of the other pre-event activities without waiting to enlist. Everyone had such a good time last year, even though it was our first time, and none of us were really sure of what we were doing. Maribeth did a great job of organizing it, learning much along the way. We will be drawing the ticket for Chuck's Amazing Raffle at this event. If you have not yet purchased one of the only 200 tickets he is selling (to win a one-week, 2 bedroom luxury condo vacation anywhere in the world there is availability with our timeshare deposit....you only need to pay for your transportation) be sure to do so soon. You can go to www.pmc.org and access profiles and find Chuck's and donate online...if it is for $50 he will know you want a raffle ticket. Or you can email him or me or send a check....it all works. He is training now for his one day, 86 mile ride. Your grandkids would love this event, and you would be helping a great cause, finding a cure for cancer in kids. Hope you all are still voting in the Betty Crocker Contest for Make-A-Wish, too, which lasts until 5/26. So many ways to help.....

Tip #48: Let them be. Leave them alone occasionally and encourage them to amuse themselves. Don't interfere, suggest, prompt, etc. If materials are needed, provide them, but try to just stay out of their way. I promise you will be pleasantly surprised and, perhaps like me, wonder why you didn't allow them this freedom of play sooner. Then step back and observe, cherishing what you see, and maybe even secretly capturing some of it with your hidden camera!

Crazy Bingo

Crazy Bingo

First, I apologize for being gone from my blog for so long. I have no excuse, other than "the world was too much with me". All of a sudden I was working much more than usual (my choice, picking up all the extra hours I could in anticipation of going on vacation), and then we went to Florida (oh, poor us!). When we returned I jumped right back into the whirlwind of life and kids and work again. Now I have a brand new computer, monitor, and combination printer, gifted by my husband and children, for no apparent occasion. How lucky can one person be? I am struggling to familiarize myself with all their idiosyncrasies, and I am a very slow learner when it comes to technology.....So please bear with me.

Our holiday pictures look the same as those of years' past, although the kids are bigger! Drew, proudly displaying the lamb's head, is actually our nephew (seen in another picture here with his younger brother, Dan). Their father is my husband's youngest brother (there is a 19 year span from oldest to youngest among the five brothers). Dan, who is a grandson, and Noah, who is a great grandson, could end up in the same 6th grade classroom next year when they both move from different towns to the cooperative middle school. What a hoot!

Anyhow, we gathered as usual, and served the traditional appetizers, including shrimp cocktail. All of a sudden I heard cries of dismay. Oh, no, I thought, what is wrong with the shrimp? Turns out I bought a different kind of cocktail sauce (actually a more expensive one that I thought they'd like better), and they were clamoring that it just wasn't the same (quite politely, but unmistakably upset). My husband quickly added horseradish to it and saved the day. When I went back to the supermarket on Monday, I decided I'd buy a few of the old favorite, but it is no longer being stocked! Now what? I guess they will simply have to adjust. I really hate it when something that has been a part of our dining tradition disappears. Here is a confession. Most of our family eats Kraft grated American orange cheese on pasta. It is next to the parmesan, in a blue shaker can, on the grocery shelf. When my sister moved to Michigan for a while, I had to ship her a caseload. Mandy couldn't find it in Athens, GA., either. Then it was no longer here....panic! Fortunately it returned before our supply ran out. None of us it trusts it, however, so we all stockpile. I bet you have guilty food secrets too!

It was the fastest egg hunt yet as the temperature was "coolish" and the winds were whipping. I knew how many eggs I'd planted, so I just divided that number by the number of searchers, and told them how many each could find. Then the older kids helped the younger ones. We used plastic grocery bags with their names already on them in laundry marker. When we went back inside, they dumped the contents of their eggs into their already-labeled bages, and I recycled the plastic eggs to use again next year. I put quarters, bunny erasers, bubble rings, and assorted other "goodies" as well as candy in the eggs. They seemed to enjoy it all. I also hit the stores earlier this week to replenish supplies at 50-75% off and have tucked them away safely for next year.

One day a week I volunteer at the Make-A-Wish Foundation of NH, and there I have met many wonderful people. Among them is one of the most creative and entertaining grandparents I have encountered thus far. I have stolen many of my ideas from her and her husband, and plan to continue doing so. One is called "Crazy Bingo", and I introduced it to the kids when we were at the "mountain house" in Feb. All you need is two decks of cards and a bunch of wrapped items, such as packs of gum, candy bars, lottery tickets, silly string....whatever "stuff" you can find at the dollar or bargain stores. I spent about $20 all together for the Easter version, simply because there were more players. You deal the whole deck, so the number of cards each player gets depends on how many are participating. You then use the second deck and draw a card and call it out. The player holding that card may then choose from among the wrapped items. He/she opens it, nicknames it, and then hides it under a jacket or pillow (we used towels). The next person whose card is drawn (I did not let anyone win more than once each round, but that is totally up to you) gets to choose next, unwraps it, nicknames it, but then can either keep it or trade for one already opened....but only if she/he can remember who has it and what its nickname is....obviously more difficult if there are more players. Oh, and I preface the whole game with admonitions about whining and complaining, promising that each player would end up with at least one thing, even though it may not be the item he/she most desired. If that isn't acceptable, I invite them to drop out before the game begins so as not to be responsible for having it cancelled forevermore. No one did. It was a great way to spend a lot of time, especially since going outside was not an option. The grownups got to hold actual conversations in the other room, undisturbed by their children for once. We had many laughs, and only one little voice of protest when it was over....quickly squelched by his mother. Now I just have to be sure that they understand that this will not necessarily be a part of every Easter's celebration, though I imagine it will become a part of our "mountain house" tradition! Thank you, Elizabeth.

If any of you have suggestions for ways to entertain children at family gatherings, please use the comment link below this blog to share them with the rest of us. Fair is fair, you know!

Tip #46: If the weather restricts your activities during family gatherings, try to be prepared ahead of time with things for the kids to do. Although they may be content to watch or play videos, they will remember the occasion much more vividly if you actually do something with them. I highly recommend Crazy Bingo!

Help Grant a Child's Wish

How You Can Make a Difference

Times are tough, as we all well know. For organizations such as The Make-A-Wish Foundation, decreasing donations means cutting back on the breadth and depth of Wishes that can be granted. Beleagured families, battle-weary from whatever critical illness the child has, need this respite now more than ever. Betty Crocker has teamed up with the MAW Foundation and is running an advertising promotion for its website and products. Here's how you can help! You go to this website: http://www.bettycrocker.com/StirringUpWishes/Default.aspx and register (there is a hard to see log in button in red under and to the right of the Support button). And then you vote for the NH chapter by scrolling your mouse over the state of NH and clicking on the yellow button there. That's it! You can vote once daily. Betty Crocker is going to fund the granting of 12 Wishes over 12 weeks, and you can help that happen simply by voting once daily. Please take a few minutes of your time to do this...once you've logged on the first time, you can add the website to your favorites and then it will take less than a minute each day, and cost you nothing.
Our granddaughter had her Wish granted in March of 2004. She and her parents and little brother went to Disney World. Chuck and I and her other grandparents went along to help, but we provided our own funding (many families cannot afford to pay for the extra people to accompany them and thus miss out on having more hands to make light work!). We exchanged our timeshare for a place just outside of Disney and Chuck and I stayed there the first four nights and then left it to the other grandparents from Ohio; in that way we didn't overwhelm the kids with four doting grandparents trying to be helpful all at once!
They stayed at Give Kids the World, an absolutely amazing "resort" for families of children with illnesses in Kissimmee. First they were picked up at home by a limo, which transported them to the local airport. There they were met by their very own Wish Granter, helped through the rigamarole of boarding, and then met again in Orlando by a Wish Granter there carrying a huge sign with Emma' s name on it. No waiting in line for their rental car....keys tossed to them as they passed by the counter and headed to GKTW. Do yourselves a favor and go to the website for this amazing refuge, and read all about how it got started and what it does for its visitors. Later today I hope to add pictures from there and the rest of the Wish Week. In each "villa" were huge Mickey and Minnie dolls and several other gifts for the children, and a refrigerator and freezer full of kid-friendly foods and treats. At night you could sign up for characters to come and read bedtime stories. The cookie cart rode up and down the streets, jingling its bell to signal its presence outside your door. Why a cookie cart and not ice cream? Because the ice cream palace is open 24/7! One morning we were headed to the dining hall for breakfast when the volunteer from the ice cream store ran out to greet us. Obviously he was lonely, and he did everything in his power to convince us that he had all the basic food groups for breakfast: fruit (bananas, cherries, strawberries, blueberries), dairy (milk, whipped cream), nuts, waffle cones.....well, you get the picture! Of course we succumbed and had every child's dream breakfast (wasn't too shabby for the adults either!). There was a sprayground, a carousel, and a main building where each Wish child filled out a star that was then put on the ceiling which resembled a night sky. In the darkness each star glowed, and Emma could see her Star among all the others of the children who'd been there.
At Disney itself the family had special passes and wore a special name tag which subtlely identified them as Wish people....and so never had to wait in line, and got extra special treatment from the many characters throughout the park. When we saw Woody and Buzz we despaired because there was a long line, and we really didn't feel comfortable flaunting our status as a Wish family. So Emma and I got in the line and waited....about 20 minutes later we made it to the front, and then Woody and Buzz made an enormous deal over her and her dad caught it all on video. Then the Disney worker in charge of the area scolded us and told us that everyone understood about Wish kids and how they tire easily and deserve special attention for all that they were going through, and that we were never to wait in line again! People behind us didn't seem to mind a bit that Emma got extra time with the characters, so we followed that dictum from then on.
I cannot describe how incredibly renewing to the spirit this Wish Trip was for our entire family. Our daughter and her husband had been to hell and back, scrambling to understand what was happening to Emma (more on that later) and all the medical terms and decisions while trying to keep things normal for Owen who was just a baby, 12 weeks old, when Em was diagnosed. They wrestled with schedules, getting Emma to appointments and therapy while seeing that Owen was covered at home. Friends, relatives and neighbors all helped, but it was (and still continues to be) a prolonged nightmare. To be treated as royalty, to have all those worries and cares set aside even for just a very short week, allowed them to forget about all of this and just "be".......and I cannot tell you how needed and appreciated this was for everyone.

Tip #45:
So, please, find the time today to log on to the Betty Crocker site and vote for the NH chapter so that the organization can continue to grant these Wishes. I volunteer there one day a week (even though it means traveling 50 miles round trip to do so, that's how impressed I was by what they do!) and so see first hand how many children there are in dire need of this opportunity, and how difficult it has become to find the funding to do so. Thank you, in advance, from the bottom of these very grateful grandparents' hearts. See how easily you can make a difference in a child's life.