Thorny Issues #1

Thorny Issues

I think it best if I start small now that I am going to venture into this morass. I tried to start with mostly positive, pro-active explorations and suggestions, but I am beginning to sound like Pollyanna, and I certainly know that parenting and grandparenting can be incredibly challenging and full of land mines. So here goes.

Let's talk about clothing. People of my generation (let's just say over 50) have very specific ideas of what is "appropriate" dress. I don't mean just casual or dressy, but even length, layers, bare skin, etc. Some of the styles today, particularly for girls, are....well...not to be too crass, sluttish. Little girls look like hookers. I hate them. However, I cannot come right out and say that, especially if the clothing is actually on the child. Boys often look like they still have their pjs on or the clothing is ripped (on purpose, no less!). Children arrive in mid-winter with no boots, hats or zipped jackets, or in summer with nothing to change into after getting wet under the hose, sprinkler or dipping into the ocean. I am excluding my 9 grandchildren here as I truly feel that my own children and their spouses try very hard to have their children dress with some sense of decorum. I don't remember our own children expressing strong views on what they wore as young children, so it astounds me when I see/hear a three year old dressed in a rag tag collection of articles of clothing which the parent says he/she chose and could not be dissuaded from wearing. Oh, yes, and the whole issue of choice. Parents seem to feel that if they don't allow their children to make choices about everything, somehow they will be stullified....so the kids face dozens of choices all day long, overwhelming choices because of the sheer number of them, and then looking like something that Mom and Dad don't have the time to really see....how else could they possibly bring them out in public looking like that? I will say that almost all parents today are very careful about sunscreen and bug spray, which is definitely an improvement over our generation. I am afraid that we allowed our children to burn and peel on a regular basis, and encouraged them to swat at the bugs if they were bothered by them.

Nobody irons anything anymore. Many young parents came in for parent conferences a mass of wrinkles; many of our younger teachers looked like they rolled out of bed and into whatever they found on the floor. Children rarely look purposefully groomed for an outing. Perhaps parents' lives are simply too busy to pay attention to such matters, but it is disheartening to see how much they are willing to spend for designer clothing with brands plastered all over items, and yet do nothing to eliminate the rolled up and kept in a bag look.

I suppose I sound like a curmudgeon, but it is something that bothers me from time to time. It is certainly not the "thorniest" of the issues I hope to discuss here, but a starting point. I believe I have mentioned before my belief that children get responded to differently depending on how they are dressed. That initial impression causes the child to be greeted in a positive way or not, often sending warm, approving vibes before words are exchanged. This makes the child automatically feel appreciated and approved. You don't have to buy expensive clothing to achieve this...but you do have to have a voice in the selection, and attempt to keep clothing reasonably wrinkle-free and laundered. Don't my grandchildren look great in these pictures?

Tip #50: Although you probably have to keep your mouth shut if you don't like the way your grandchildren are dressing, perhaps you could show the parents this entry? Buy clothing that you deem appropriate but not too geeky or nerdy? Take your grandchildren clothes shopping and assist in the selection? You must not foist your taste on them as then you may be responsible for teasing by peers, and never trusted again. 'Tis a ticklish issue, and one that may appear not worth fighting on the surface.