Kids and Fun(d)Raising

Kids and Fun(d)raising

In a later posting I will attempt to discuss the impact cancer has had on our family. I have postponed writing about it for several reasons, one of which is that it is such a depressing topic, and I truly want to keep this blog positive and upbeat. However, much of the feedback I have received on earlier blogs indicates that readers want to grapple with problems and dilemmas that beset most of us at some time during our grandparenthood. I hope that not many of you will have to battle the cancer beast along the way.

Mostly you feel so helpless. Your child and your grandchild are in trouble. What can you do? Well, one thing you get involved in is funding the research that might once and for all find a cure. Although treatment may allow for a longer life, the effects of that very same treatment can compromise the quality of that life to varying degrees. The only real solution is to eliminate it. Several of the adults in our family are signed up to ride in the annual bike event known as The Pan Mass Challenge. Immediate family (which this year now includes Grampa, a cancer survivor himself, our daughter and her husband, nephew, co-workers and a ton of friends). One of our daughters has five children, and she was looking for a way to involve them. They wanted to help, too. Last year she and her husband facilitated the first ever PMC Kids Ride in Exeter, NH. It was so successful and the participants had such a great time that Maribeth and Sean signed on to do it again this year, on June 14th (not Father’s Day!) on the Timberland grounds (donated by the CEO of Timberland) in Exeter. All of the grandchildren will ride this year, as there are different courses for different age groups. It is not a race, and the participants do not have to fund raise (though they are certainly welcome to) nor do they have to meet any kind of a minimum. When they register they pay a $10 fee which gets them a tee shirt and all of the events for that day. Some of these are face painting, bike decorating, food, and water bottles. They wear their names on the backs of their shirts, and the dj announces riders at different times as they loop around. A lotof whooping and hollering accompanies them!

There will be music and cheering and raffles and dancing and eating. Everyone who attended last year felt the energy in the air, the wonderful feeling of groups of people, young and old, joining forces in a fun way to try to help children whose lives are a daily struggle. I could not have imagined the sheer joy we all felt, knowing we were doing something, anything, that might help. The older grandchildren helped prepare goody bags ahead of time, make posters, and recruit classmates and friends. Several groups (such as church, scouts, art class, karate) formed teams to participate, and raised additional funds by offering things such as free lessons or introductory classes for raffle. On the day of the event the older grandkids came early and were “gofers”, riding their bikes all around to deliver stuff and help with set up. The younger ones brought their enthusiasm and laughter, and know that it will soon be their turn to help as well. Our son was the medical person at the site. Former and present staff members and students from the school where I spent most of my teaching days filled the volunteer rosters, and have agreed to return again this year. They will be doing the bike decorating, face painting and other activities, monitoring the riders, manning the water station, etc.

I cannot urge you strongly enough to get your grandchildren involved in some sort of community service/service learning capacity as early as possible. For them to grasp the concept of helping others, of knowing that even as young as they may be, they can make a difference, they can help……especially other children who do not have the most magnificent gift of all, good health. It will give you something to do with them that will be productive and morally strengthening. It will create life-long habits and attitudes of commitment to humanity. On top of that, it will be fun!

Tip #43: Our new president exhorted us to accept responsibility for our world and the people in it. Children can learn this early on if we provide the moral compass for them, not by words but by actions. Get them involved in some type of service commitment at a young age, and do it alongside them. Through your modeling you will show them the way to make a difference in the world.

Legacy

The Hoo Hoo Parade

My last blog got me to thinking about how I remembered my own grandparents, and how my children remember theirs. Food factors prominently in most of these memories, even though neither of my sets of grandparents possessed much finesse when it came to food preparation. It didn’t matter. We had many cousins, and on certain holidays we gathered to celebrate together. Singing was often involved as my grandfather and aunt both played the piano by ear. My Aunt Anne’s voice was lovely, and she and her husband sang at many of the family weddings, including ours. The places where we congregated were actually quite small, and I have no idea how we all fit; I never felt crowded or relegated to small spaces, and I do not know how they did that.

We were married in August, so the first round of holidays arose fairly soon after we became a unit. Trying to figure out how to “do” the holidays without hurting anyone’s feelings was a major challenge. Plus, I was not willing to give up time-honored traditions with my family, and my husband certainly had his own expectations of spending at least part of the time with his. As with most families, we managed to eke out a compromise that we could both accept. To this day we host a pre-Christmas celebration with my brother and sister and her husband, sons and their spouses and children. Originally we did it on Christmas Eve as we were all working and it was as close to being together on Christmas Day as we could get. Last year we began holding it on the Sat. before Christmas, and that has worked well. The little ones need to be in their beds with visions of sugarplums dancing through their heads on that special night, and early enough to let Santa get his work done in a timely fashion!

So why am I rambling on about all of this? Because I suddenly remembered The Hoo Hoo Parade! Unfortunately, I do not have any pictures of it, but my memory is sharp on this topic. For decades we spent Christmas Day at the home of my husband’s parents. His four brothers and their wives and children all participated, and a variety of other people over the years, particularly my father-in-law’s sister, husband and children. At any given time there were 10-15 children. After dinner and gifts, Bob, son #3, would disappear upstairs with all of the kids who could walk and a trash bag full of hoo hoos (the cardboard roll inside the wrapping paper roll, carefully saved for this express purpose). They lined up behind him and marched down the stairs, snaking through the house, singing “Randolph, the Shiny Gunned Cowboy” to the tune of “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” (lyrics supplied upon request…not exactly pc by today’s standards!). Everyone enjoyed the performance, and when it was over, everyone found something to do, whether it was setting up the eternal bridge game, or playing with new toys, or sitting around chatting. Nana, my children’s grandmother, loved this yearly parade, laughing and hugging the children as they passed by her chair. In January of 2006 she died, and we were spread out around her gravesite for the internment rites on a cold winter day. After the final blessing, I saw my daughter and niece disappear in the direction of their cars, and emerge with two large trash bags. I couldn’t imagine what they were doing. Lo and behold, they had brought enough Hoo Hoos for one last parade. The now-adult cousins, each and every one of them, took a hoo hoo and marched around the coffin, singing and blowing through the tubes. There was not a dry eye amongst us, though those not privy to what was happening stood in somewhat shocked disbelief. The newspaper write-up said that the funeral ended with “a unique musical tribute”! It was just the right thing to do, and I am so grateful that the grandchildren thought it up and felt no compunctions about doing it. The priest departed quickly without bidding us goodbye; I guess he was just speechless.

What seemed like a silly little holiday entertainment became the cornerstone of her passage from us. I know she would have approved, and probably joined in herself. She loved life and lived it to its fullest. The children knew she loved them unconditionally; I knew that if any one of mine went to her and told her that he or she had just murdered someone, she would have asked, “What did he do to you?” They went to her with their joys and their sorrows, their successes and their failures. First she fed them, then wiped their eyes, folding them into a giant bear hug, scratching their backs, and listening. I offer her to you now as a model to aspire to, a grandmother who still influences how my children think and behave. What a legacy!

Tip #42: You don’t have to shower your grandchildren with money and presents to earn their respect and unconditional love. You do have to withhold judgment, listen with an open ear, and let them know that you will love them no matter what. Then toss in a few traditions and a kitchen full of bountiful good food, and they will love you to the moon and beyond…..

Random Routines and/or Traditions

Random Routines and/or Traditions

I love the suggestions in the comments section of the Power-less blog. Be sure to read them. A college friend wrote that when her grandchildren were little and began sleeping over, they established a bedtime routine. Grampa would get the Cat-in-the-Hat hat, signaling it was story time. Each of them would also choose a hat to wear during the reading. They keep a box full of hats just for this purpose. Once they’ve donned the hats and curled up together in the bed, the reading begins, and the settling into quiet repose, preparatory to sleep, also begins. The hats are a signal that bedtime approaches, and no arguing/debating/coaxing, whatever, needs to take place. This is just the way it is. The earlier you begin a routine such as this, the easier it will be to have it set the bar for this particular activity.

We use placemats at the kitchen table when the children are dining with us; they know where they are kept and at a very early age enjoy “setting” the table with them. Now this same friend suggests that the children make the placemats out of construction paper, creating new themes and designs for each meal. This keeps them busy while you are getting the meal ready, and it gives them a way to contribute to the décor. The more of these “traditions” or “customs” you create, the more memorable and comfortable a visit or stay at your home will be.

I was perusing our vast backlog of pictures to see what other things we’ve done, as I struggled to recall…..and found very quickly that there are too many to count! We keep the same stuffed animals on the beds; they are now old friends. Depending on which grandchildren have been here, they can be found in various places upstairs….in the crib, on the toy chest, on the rocking chair, or just in different beds…but they never make their way downstairs, which is pretty amazing. Once Owen asked to bring the WebKinz panda to the table to keep him company when he was here alone (we had to get the booster seat for it!), but otherwise they appear to be “upstairs” items. We have certain tub toys which they don’t seem to outgrow, simple boats and floaty animals and mermaids. The love to all climb into Grampa's big chair to read.

They love to cook, whether it’s something simple such as brownies or Jello, or more complex, like gingerbread houses. So they make a mess….that’s what sponges are for! They also love to clean, and I wish I could find the picture of Owen vacuuming when the machine was bigger than he! They also love to accompany me to the basement to toss in the clothes, transfer to the dryer, and push the button to start the machines. They can help fold the laundry, even if it looks tormented, because then they can brag to their parents that they, too, helped!

I hope more of you will add other things you do to help the children take ownership of your homes. Ours also love to look at and play with the “stuff” on the refrigerator. Often when they are here they draw pictures for the specific purpose of having their artwork mounted for all to see.

Tip #41: Often it is the very simple things that remain indelibly etched in our minds. Remember your own trips to your grandparents? Sights and sound and smells and little traditions linger. Repetition creates patterns of comfort. Start when they are young. And enjoy every moment….their youth is fleeting…..

The Ice Storm Cameth

The Ice Storm Cameth…..

On Thursday night, Dec. 11th, a ferocious ice storm hit our area. Although the storm itself was predicted, its intensity and duration far exceeded anything we’d previously experienced. We've lived in our house since 1967, and had never been without power for more than 4-5 hours. This time our neighborhood was out for 6 days, and others, both near and far, were out for longer periods. The whole experience demonstrated how very dependent on electricity we are, how a hot shower can do much to make any situation look less bleak, and how creative we can be when forced……

Power-less Activities

During the outage, superintendents were forced to cancel school because of downed power lines, lack of heat, difficulty of travel, etc. On top of the devastating ice storm, we were then treated to two back-to-back snowstorms, closing schools, which had just recently opened. Kids were stuck at home, disappointed because their holiday concerts were cancelled, bored because they did all the fun, camp-like things during the first 24-48 hours, and stymied by the lack of light and power. We helped out by keeping our son’s two girls, Ari, 11, and Megan, 6, for two of the days. In desperation, we traveled to their cousins' in the afternoon to try to vary the company, change the venue, and generally make the time stuck inside more pleasant.

So, what did we do? Well, one thing we were able to accomplish was the production of our annual Christmas treats, chocolate chip peanut butter balls. Because we have a dual stove (the top part has gas burners while the convection oven is electric), we were able to make these babies in huge numbers. It kept the girls happily occupied for an entire morning, and produced enough of these tasty tidbits to distribute to the usual recipients (we give them to the library, the local grocery store, the gas station, my work place, my school, etc.). Here is the recipe:

Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Balls

1 pkg. (stack) graham crackers, crushed in blender (I always double the recipe and use two boxes of crumbs rather than mess with crushing the stacks, though is it cheaper)
2 sticks melted butter
1-cup creamy peanut butter
1 lb. conf. sugar
6 oz. Mini bits (or put regular bits in blender to chop)

Mix butter in crackers. Add peanut butter, then sugar. Gradually add mini bits; blend well. Roll into balls. Dip in chocolate and wax mixture (below). Drop on waxed paper and let set until hardened.

In a double boiler melt 12 ounces of chocolate bits and ¼ bar of paraffin. After water boils, turn to low to keep mixture warm but not too hot.

If you don’t use up all the chocolate on the balls, you can dip pretzels and Pringles in it as well. Just be sure to set whatever you’ve dipped onto waxed paper, or they will stick.

Next we played Clue and other games not electronically operated. Cards are always a sure bet, and you can see pretty well by candlelight, if necessary. However, you do have to be very careful with candles around fascinated little ones.
Krista, the “nanny”, found a large piece of cardboard, and they sat around the table drawing in companionable creativity, adding stickers and creative designs to their own and each other’s….if invited. We sang and danced and celebrated this “free” time together. We had raw veggies with dip on which to munch. Nobody missed the usual popcorn or bagel bites. I will admit that by the 6th day I was running out of things to cook on the stovetop, but there was no danger of any of us starving! All in all I think we did pretty well making the best of a challenging situation. I know that parents were very happy when kids were able to go back to school on the 22nd and 23rd. Many feared that if a storm caused cancellation on the 22nd, schools just wouldn’t bother to open for the one day. Now all are anxiously waiting to hear if the state will grant amnesty for these days, declaring that a “state of emergency” caused their cancellation, or if they will have to be made up in June….since it mostly occurred before the actual start of winter, school could even extend into July, a situation no one wants!

People reached out and helped others, and communities came together to open shelters, share generators, help shovel each other out, and look in on shut-ins and the elderly. Kids adapted fairly quickly, though they were mighty glad to get their electronic “gadgets” and movies back. It was a bit frightening to be out of touch with family members, as we did not have cell service for the first 2-3 days, and many of us have secured battery-operated radios since the storm. I think the children will remember these days for a long time to come…..and that somehow some good things came out of the whole episode. Candidly, I am proud of how everyone behaved, surprised at the creativity of many, and quite happy to not have it ever happen again in my lifetime!


Tip #40: Be open to the unexpected! When something blindsides you, such as a lengthy power outage, look to creative inspiration to rescue you! Kids love to do things with you, so making cookies or decorating or wrapping all create contentment and shared memories. Try to stay upbeat and positive, and the children will not feel the need to sit on the pity pot. Also, use the opportunity to teach about how people can help others, how communities can work together to make a difficult situation less so for many. Besides, it gives us all something we share in common, and a focus for conversation. “Do you have power yet?” became the question on everyone’s lips. When the kids got back to school, they all exchanged stories, drew pictures, and were comforted by their commonly shared experience. Joy to the world!