Let Them "Be"

Just Letting Them "Be...."

When did we stop giving children the freedom to amuse themselves? I know I am very guilty here. Whenever I know the children are coming for more than just a quick visit, I start thinking about what we can do. I gather "stuff": crayons, paper, stickers, glue, clay.....you get the idea. I fret about the amount of time we will have together, and how to fill it. I plan outdoor activities, and trips to the playgrounds and museums, if I am going to have them for extended time periods. I am not saying there is anything wrong with these things, but the notion missing in my planning is "moderation" (actually it is missing in most anything I do!).

Though it is great fun and exciting and interesting to plan all these things for the kids, recently I've been asking myself, "when do they just play?" I was babysitting at my daughter's a couple of weeks ago when the weather miraculously turned from shivery cold to a New Englander's description of "mild" (still requiring jackets), so after the older two finished their homework, we all went out into the back yard to "play". I didn't organize a thing, because I was so busy watching Jack (almost 2) explore and marvel at what he found, that I didn't pay much attention to the other four. Suddenly I had a moment of keen awareness. They were all exploring, experimenting, and totally occupying themselves with no interference from me! Curious to see how long it would last, I became simply an observer for quite a bit. Epiphany time! I did not have to orchestrate (micro manage) every second of my time with them. Left to their own devices, they were quite capable.

I know that they love to play dress up and put on "performances", but for some reason this creative capability did not transfer to other arenas of play, at least not in my mind. Imagination is a wonderful thing, but it needs to be fostered and left alone to blossom. Give the kids some empty boxes and watch what happens! Leave them to their own devices in the tub, pretend to be occupied doing something else in the room while they play, and you will be delighted with what they do! Emma hid under the laundry basket, and then discovered she could move it. Jack followed her across the living room floor, curious and astounded by this "alive" thing. They must have played this invented game for a good half hour. Who knew?

Grampa made them a puzzle board so they could build their puzzles and then move them wherever they wanted. We both would jump right in to help, but then discovered the kids taking the puzzle board to a private corner or nook so they could try it alone. Hmmm. Was it possible that they did not want or need our help? Or that maybe we should wait to be asked before we barged right in to rescue them?

If you've been reading these posts all along, you know that I feel strongly that the greatest gift we can give our grandchildren is our time (and attention), and I do still believe that. They need us to read to them, play board and card games with them, and even engage in activies such as playing catch. Now I also think we need to give them unplotted time, time during which they can invent their own games, find their own "toys" and amuse themselves through their own devices. Time to simply play. What a gift!

On another note, if you live within driving distance of Exeter, NH, consider having your child or grandchild register to ride in the second annual Kids PMC Ride, to be held in the Timberland parking lot (on the Exeter/Stratham line) on Sun., June 14th. Go to http://www.pmckids.org/ and sign them up (you may want to sign up to volunteer that day, too!). There is a $10 registration fee which gets them a tee shirt, a goody bag and a raffle ticket. Plus if they are pre-registered, they can just pick up their packet and go right to bike decorating or any of the other pre-event activities without waiting to enlist. Everyone had such a good time last year, even though it was our first time, and none of us were really sure of what we were doing. Maribeth did a great job of organizing it, learning much along the way. We will be drawing the ticket for Chuck's Amazing Raffle at this event. If you have not yet purchased one of the only 200 tickets he is selling (to win a one-week, 2 bedroom luxury condo vacation anywhere in the world there is availability with our timeshare deposit....you only need to pay for your transportation) be sure to do so soon. You can go to www.pmc.org and access profiles and find Chuck's and donate online...if it is for $50 he will know you want a raffle ticket. Or you can email him or me or send a check....it all works. He is training now for his one day, 86 mile ride. Your grandkids would love this event, and you would be helping a great cause, finding a cure for cancer in kids. Hope you all are still voting in the Betty Crocker Contest for Make-A-Wish, too, which lasts until 5/26. So many ways to help.....

Tip #48: Let them be. Leave them alone occasionally and encourage them to amuse themselves. Don't interfere, suggest, prompt, etc. If materials are needed, provide them, but try to just stay out of their way. I promise you will be pleasantly surprised and, perhaps like me, wonder why you didn't allow them this freedom of play sooner. Then step back and observe, cherishing what you see, and maybe even secretly capturing some of it with your hidden camera!

Crazy Bingo

Crazy Bingo

First, I apologize for being gone from my blog for so long. I have no excuse, other than "the world was too much with me". All of a sudden I was working much more than usual (my choice, picking up all the extra hours I could in anticipation of going on vacation), and then we went to Florida (oh, poor us!). When we returned I jumped right back into the whirlwind of life and kids and work again. Now I have a brand new computer, monitor, and combination printer, gifted by my husband and children, for no apparent occasion. How lucky can one person be? I am struggling to familiarize myself with all their idiosyncrasies, and I am a very slow learner when it comes to technology.....So please bear with me.

Our holiday pictures look the same as those of years' past, although the kids are bigger! Drew, proudly displaying the lamb's head, is actually our nephew (seen in another picture here with his younger brother, Dan). Their father is my husband's youngest brother (there is a 19 year span from oldest to youngest among the five brothers). Dan, who is a grandson, and Noah, who is a great grandson, could end up in the same 6th grade classroom next year when they both move from different towns to the cooperative middle school. What a hoot!

Anyhow, we gathered as usual, and served the traditional appetizers, including shrimp cocktail. All of a sudden I heard cries of dismay. Oh, no, I thought, what is wrong with the shrimp? Turns out I bought a different kind of cocktail sauce (actually a more expensive one that I thought they'd like better), and they were clamoring that it just wasn't the same (quite politely, but unmistakably upset). My husband quickly added horseradish to it and saved the day. When I went back to the supermarket on Monday, I decided I'd buy a few of the old favorite, but it is no longer being stocked! Now what? I guess they will simply have to adjust. I really hate it when something that has been a part of our dining tradition disappears. Here is a confession. Most of our family eats Kraft grated American orange cheese on pasta. It is next to the parmesan, in a blue shaker can, on the grocery shelf. When my sister moved to Michigan for a while, I had to ship her a caseload. Mandy couldn't find it in Athens, GA., either. Then it was no longer here....panic! Fortunately it returned before our supply ran out. None of us it trusts it, however, so we all stockpile. I bet you have guilty food secrets too!

It was the fastest egg hunt yet as the temperature was "coolish" and the winds were whipping. I knew how many eggs I'd planted, so I just divided that number by the number of searchers, and told them how many each could find. Then the older kids helped the younger ones. We used plastic grocery bags with their names already on them in laundry marker. When we went back inside, they dumped the contents of their eggs into their already-labeled bages, and I recycled the plastic eggs to use again next year. I put quarters, bunny erasers, bubble rings, and assorted other "goodies" as well as candy in the eggs. They seemed to enjoy it all. I also hit the stores earlier this week to replenish supplies at 50-75% off and have tucked them away safely for next year.

One day a week I volunteer at the Make-A-Wish Foundation of NH, and there I have met many wonderful people. Among them is one of the most creative and entertaining grandparents I have encountered thus far. I have stolen many of my ideas from her and her husband, and plan to continue doing so. One is called "Crazy Bingo", and I introduced it to the kids when we were at the "mountain house" in Feb. All you need is two decks of cards and a bunch of wrapped items, such as packs of gum, candy bars, lottery tickets, silly string....whatever "stuff" you can find at the dollar or bargain stores. I spent about $20 all together for the Easter version, simply because there were more players. You deal the whole deck, so the number of cards each player gets depends on how many are participating. You then use the second deck and draw a card and call it out. The player holding that card may then choose from among the wrapped items. He/she opens it, nicknames it, and then hides it under a jacket or pillow (we used towels). The next person whose card is drawn (I did not let anyone win more than once each round, but that is totally up to you) gets to choose next, unwraps it, nicknames it, but then can either keep it or trade for one already opened....but only if she/he can remember who has it and what its nickname is....obviously more difficult if there are more players. Oh, and I preface the whole game with admonitions about whining and complaining, promising that each player would end up with at least one thing, even though it may not be the item he/she most desired. If that isn't acceptable, I invite them to drop out before the game begins so as not to be responsible for having it cancelled forevermore. No one did. It was a great way to spend a lot of time, especially since going outside was not an option. The grownups got to hold actual conversations in the other room, undisturbed by their children for once. We had many laughs, and only one little voice of protest when it was over....quickly squelched by his mother. Now I just have to be sure that they understand that this will not necessarily be a part of every Easter's celebration, though I imagine it will become a part of our "mountain house" tradition! Thank you, Elizabeth.

If any of you have suggestions for ways to entertain children at family gatherings, please use the comment link below this blog to share them with the rest of us. Fair is fair, you know!

Tip #46: If the weather restricts your activities during family gatherings, try to be prepared ahead of time with things for the kids to do. Although they may be content to watch or play videos, they will remember the occasion much more vividly if you actually do something with them. I highly recommend Crazy Bingo!