The Extended Family
The holidays bring us all together to share meals, gifts, conversation, and the pure joy of being together. I love that the cousins get to have these traditions, and I hope they will continue for years to come. I wonder what happened to my own cousins with whom I spent so many happy times.
Early this morning when we were alone and preparing for the day, we talked about how one day we will no longer be able to host the family as we do now. My husband loves to have them come to us as he is most comfortable in his own home. He does most of the cooking, and he likes to use his own oven and utensils. I think he feels more in control here, and he always has something to do rather than having to spend the entire time in conversation, though with the immediate family that is not a problem. He loves having the kids around and shows them how to do things. Today my younger brother was able to join us, and he fit in so naturally it just felt right. The children simply accept that he is a part of all of this, though I doubt many of them know who he really is.
I try to explain to them the different relationships: cousins, aunts, uncles, friends who are close enough to be relatives, but it is overwhelming for them. The older ones knew one great grandmother, but they don't know whose mother she was....Grampa has four brothers, and they really only see two of them on even a sporadic basis. I show them pictures of Christmases past, and talk to them about these others, so maybe someday it will make sense to them.
One thing that made us all quite happy today was seeing Arianna, the daughter of our son's ex-wife. Though she has no legal ties with our son, she was a part of our family for nearly ten years, and it has been very strange to have her just gone from our lives. She is now living with her mother and estranged from our son, whom she called "dad" since she was 18 months old, and the cousins had no idea that she was anything other than a regular cousin, just like them. They seemed so happy to see her, and she them. I thought it strange that none asked any questions, like where have you been or how are you? Our son seemed genuinely delighted to see her, and it lifted everyone's spirits, even though it was a very brief visit....her mother was waiting in the car and probably very uncomfortable with the situation.
Though holidays bring much enjoyment, they can also be "sticky" and require patience and understanding. Having family to encircle the children as they grow helps them to feel loved and secure.
Tip #52: Try to bring the extended family into the lives of the grandchildren as often as possible. Explain relationships and encourage questions. It is work to gather family under one roof, but it will help the children to know they are connected to others and loved.
