Fundraising

Helping with Fundraising:

With 8 grandchildren all in school, all participating in many activities both in school and out, there are countless opportunities to help with their fundraising. Of course there are the annual Girl Scout cookies to purchase:  Emma and Megan both belong, so we buy equally.  Over the years we have bought candles, wrapping paper, chocolates, baking mixes of many varieties, magazine subscriptions and spices. Most of the items we can use;  some are designated right from the start as gifts.  We have also baked for several bake sales, though right now I cannot remember if they were child or adult fundraisers.  Another way they raise money is through sponsorship for events such as "a-thons...walkathons, rockathons, bike-athons", etc.  We never bat an eye, just make our selections, write the checks, and hope we've helped.

Recently Noah mentioned that his band (he is a freshman in high school now, and plays in the school band) needs new uniforms, and thus are conducting .....you guessed it....a fund raiser.  This time we have a choice between various sizes of citrus fruits (mostly oranges and grapefruits, I think) and....are you ready?....mattresses!  Apparently this is a unique niche carved out by this school wherein the group takes over the gym or auditorium of the school and a mattress distributor sets up various type and sizes of mattresses.  Noah explained that you can see them, feel them, try them out, and order them all at the same time. I am pretty sure we are going to opt for the citrus, but found this quite intriguing.  As a teacher and parent and now grandparent I have been involved with scores of fundraisers: pancake breakfasts, spaghetti dinners, car washes, yard sales, Penny Sales...the list is almost endless...but I have never heard of, nor attended, a mattress sale! We may have to go out of sheer curiosity!  Whatever it is, we hope the children feel our love and support, and know that we are right there behind them, whatever their endeavors.  The one thing I will not do is simply hand over money, especially if the activity involves putting a child at the door of a store, (usually a supermarket), with a collection can and usually a prominent poster on the premises. It makes me clench my jaws to think we are promoting getting something for nothing...or begging. The donor gets nothing in return;  there is no exchange, unless the participant rattles the can at you, or manages to say, "Please give to ______________".  No one is learning communication skills, or sales, or how to explain what the monies are for....it is begging, pure and simple.

Tip #56:  Try to support the fundraising endeavors of your grandchildren whenever you can, but also try to get them to articulate what they are raising the funds for, and why it is necessary for them to do this. Do not make them feel obligated to you through guilt, but let them know you are purchasing because you love them and want them to be happy, active children, engaging in activities that nurture their passions and interests. Do not simply fork over the money, groaning about yet another crappy thing to buy (I have heard this more times than I care to count!).  They will get the message that you approve of their participation in the project and that you consider chasing your dreams important enough to help.

Longevity: a Promise to be There

Ah, it has been way too long since last I wrote. My only excuse is that "the world was too much with me"! I now hope to resume this blog by commiting to an entry at least once/week. This picture was taken the end of July this summer, at the end of our four day sojurn at my husband's brothers' "camp" in Peru, Maine. In addition to our 8 grand children, we had the pleasure of the company of our nephew, Dan, 14, and our nephew Rick's (and Rachel's) three children, Ethan, Ella and Caroline. Grand total: 12 children, 6 adults. I am happy to report that we all happily survived, with only a few bumps and scrapes (I injured Noah with the whipped cream can as I sought revenge after he squirted me in the house with the squirt gun I gave each one during Crazy Bingo!). Long story. Big mistake.

Anyhow, this tip today is about longevity, sort of.....we have now been going to "Camp Weinhold" for at least 8, possibly 9 years. The older children just love all the traditions of it: the food, the games, the activities, etc. The younger ones have seen pictures and heard tales, and can hardly wait to be a part of the scene. Now that they are all a bit older (youngest of ours, Jack, is now 5), it is much easier as they can entertain themselves a bit. We banned all electronics, except for an hour at dawn (but we still ended up playing Probe and Sorry then) and just before bed time. However, I don't remember them using their devices at night, except for perhaps the two older boys (Noah and Dan). Everyone also brought books, actual books, in case of inclement weather, which we did not have!

It is these "legends" of camp that will reside in their memories, carrying into adulthood, knowing that they had grownups who loved them enough to take them away to a place where they could romp and frolic all day long. We are used to the younger ones emulating, idolizing the older ones, but it is also true that the older ones can revert to their younger selves, acting silly and goofy and just free from the constaints of being "cool". I enjoy observing them just having fun as much as I do the little ones experiencing the things they've been hearing about for so long.

I don't think you have to have a camp to go to in order to provide this longevity of experience. I think the kids need stability and consistency whenever and wherever we grandparents can offer it. Perhaps a monthly gathering at your home where the children are involved in the meal set up and preparation and clean up. Perhaps an after-dinner activity, such as a performance or game playing or story telling. Something they can anticipate and know the routine. In today's crazy, whirling world in which they reside, this can be a bit of a haven. Try it; I am sure you (and they!) will like it!

Tip #55: Try to create a consistent "event" in which your grandchildren can participate on a weekly, monthly or even annual basis. This will create anticipation, set expectations, give the younger ones something to look forward to, the older ones something to tell tales about to the younger ones, and provide a sense of longevity for the family as a whole. We are here. We are not going away any time soon (we hope!). You are a part of us, and here is how you fit in with the extended family. We love you enough to want to be with you.

Jumping Right In!

On Participatory Grandparenting:

You need to jump right in, both feet, eyes wide open, when it comes to doing things with your grandchildren. I hadn't been in a swimming pool or lake in years, and it had been decades since I sat on a sled and swooshed down a hill. I don't have many pictures of me doing these things since most of the time I am the photographer, and, believe me, I was holding on to my granddaughter and the sled for dear life!

Recently we accompanied our daughter and granddaughter to the Make-A-Wish night at the Verizon Wireless Arena for Disney's Princesses on Ice Skating Show. All around us were grandparents with tiaras (yes, granddads too!), little girls with hands tightly clasped in larger, veined but still strong adult hands. One grandmother was barely tall enough to see, but she sat up tall in her seat wearing a crown! At first it was her contagious grin that caught our attention, and we watched in silent admiration as she and her granddaughter put their heads together and gossiped about the prince.

Grandparenting is not a spectator sport. To be fully engaged, you have to participate. Sometimes I see grandparents dozing through recitals, reading newspapers at games, or standing off to the side in classrooms during visiting days. I feel that they are missing the most fun. Your grandchildren will long remember you screaming alongside them in the haunted house (if you can get any one of them to go in there with you...I have had little luck with that!) or on the roller coaster. Sitting with them in the waves at the beach, or swimming to the dock at the lake, or riding bikes, playing hopscotch, etc. These things don't necessarily have to be physical, either.

Get down on the floor and build puzzles, climb into bed and read books, find a table and build a Lego construction. Bake cookies, make Jello, set the table together. Play hide 'n seek, board games, or sit arm and arm in the movies or at a play. Not only will they remember clearly that you were there with them, you will enjoy it so much more. You will feel younger (well, once you conquer your minor insecurities, such as fear of flying down the icy hill out of control and crashing!) and more alive than you have ever felt before. Splash each other, bury each other in leaves, have a snow ball fight. Get squirt guns and make sure it is warm outside.

We are basically technophobes, and our grandchildren love to teach us how to play games, visit exciting websites, and even play on the Wii. They beat us at most everything that involves technology, but they love being our teachers. I am astounded at how much patience they have as they try to explain DS's and play station and x-box and Rock Band....I don't think I have it straight even now. This is their world, so while we are busy sharing our grownup world with them, we need to take the time and show the interest in their world. You will endear youselves to them even more if you do!

Tip #54: Get totally involved in activities with your grandchildren. Don't be bystanders, observing and recording and nodding off in your dotage. Teach them but learn from them too. Your lives will be richer and their memories of you enriched. Go for the gold!

Saying "No!"

Saying "No!"

Obviously I am constitutionally incapable of saying "No!" when it comes to Christmas...or birthdays, or any other excuse I can use to buy/do for our grandchildren. It brings us such great pleasure to be able to do "stuff", and because we are with them regularly, we have a fairly good idea of what they like. We also consult their parents for assurance that these purchases/events/activities meet with their approval. Sometimes we slip in a surprise or two, and hold our breath, hoping we haven't overstepped or goofed somehow. As you can see from the picture, Jack was clearly unimpressed with the new gifts and reverted quickly to the old and familiar box of toys! I know I need to tone it down, reel it in, and I will....one of these days. I continually vow that this time it will be less, but I have yet to keep that promise.

This advice is more for the parents of the grandchildren than the grandparents. One of the things our children do that I have not yet told them how much I appreciate it, is remind their children of whom gave them what, so, for ex., if we are at their house at bedtime and they say goodnight wearing the pj's we provided, they will remind us of the fact that they were a gift from us, usually saying something like, "Look! I am wearing my "Grammy jammies!". When Owen finished building his Lego bulldozer, he called to tell us about it. Both Molly and Emma called to thank us for the tickets to see Strega Nona in Boston and relate highlights. Children have to be taught, and then reinforced, how to be thankful. When our own children were young, I used to put thank you notes and stamps in their stockings (it worked for two of them!). We do not expect--or want--the kids to be thanking us at every turn, but it is very nice when they are wearing something, or playing with something, or attending something, that their parents nudge them by reminding them to mention it to us. And sometimes I forget that we did that, and then they laugh and say, "But Grammy, you and Grampa gave it to us!"

Tip #53: Do what makes you feel good when it comes to gifting your grandchildren. If you have trouble, as do I, saying no, then don't! Try to check in with the parents before you purchase/do something that might cause problems. Enjoy the children's delight, but do not expect gratitude for every little thing. The true pleasure is yours in being able to do what you want. I plan for my last check to bounce......how about you?

Happy New Year: My Wish

A new year and a new decade are upon us. Ruminating about the past and projecting into the future are interesting, worrisome and exciting excercises. Surely we have been blessed. At the start of this last decade we had only the one grandchild, Noah. By the end Ari, Molly, Emma, Megan, Owen, Ryan, Ian and Jack joined us. Such joy! By the end of this next decade, Ari, Noah and Molly will be in college or the working world; Emma, Megan, Owen, Ryan and Ian will be in high school; Jack will be in middle school, and we will be in our mid-70's! Egad. So what do I want for them? for us? for our adult children? for the larger world? I think I can sum up what I wish for all of us: Hope. I hope that the world will be a prosperous, healthy, tolerant place where our grandchildren can thrive. I hope that they can pursue their dreams, that they do not have to worry about health care costs and coverages, and that we as a country are at peace, not war. I hope that we are well enough to not be a burden on our children, and maybe even still be able to enjoy physical activity and travel. Though I know each will experience his/her own hardships and heartaches, I hope none of them permanently derail their lives. I hope we all have hope, as individuals, families, and a nation.

Tip #53: Be wary of being negative around your grandchildren. If all they hear is gloom and doom, how can they be optimistic about their futures? Yes, this last decade has been troublesome, and many of us experienced terrible financial woes as well as worry over things like swine flu, global warfare, and the ecology. But our grandchildren need to believe that there will be a viable world in which they can establish their independent lives, and we need to not crush that belief with constant negative carping about how terrible things are. I am not suggesting that we put our heads in the sand and not deal with the realities of our struggles, but we need to not put such a negative spin on everything that they despair. Help them see how they can make a difference!