Establishing "traditions" at your house

Create "usual and customary" practices which happen primarily at your house.

"Are we having Grampy cereal for breakfast today?"

"Can we ride bikes and yell down the drains and play forts?"

"Is it tubby time, Grammy? Can we have the bubble bath? Who gets the big boat first?"

Establish territorial rights from the very beginning. There need to be house specialties, things that the children expect and rely on that happen only at your house. Where do they sit for meals? Do you have placemats just for them? Drinking cups? Plates? What do they do while they are visiting with you? Do you have a place for their toys, games, and puzzles? Do you have a selection of books from which you read to them regularly?

Try to encourage your own children not to usurp these things. If there is a particular food, book, activity, etc. that the children gravitate to, make every attempt to keep it for your house. Our own children love to see their children having fun, eating with relish, snuggling in for a good read, and if you do not have this conversation very early on with them, they will try to replicate whatever you've done at their own homes. Because this can be a delicate issue, if you can have this conversation pre-birth it will be easier!

Our neighborhood is a veritable world of wonder. We began with rides in the red wagon, and slowly graduated to a variety of three-wheeled transports, almost all bought at yard sales. We also keep an array of helmets on hand so that their parents don't have to remember to bring them. It is amazing to me what a treasure trove our street held: water drains where we can kneel and holler, "Hello down there" and experience echoing voices, tossing pebbles in to hear "Kerplunk!" sounds; trees with squirrels and birds; houses with all kinds of seasonal decorations; flowers and gardens galore. When I first began our forays, I suddenly saw things that had been there all along, but which I had never noticed before. Now the children have regular visiting places, anticipated activities as we go around, and even people with whom they stop to talk. It costs nothing, and yet is among the most enjoyable of the traditions of "visiting Grammy's and Grampa's" that we've created. When there is more than one child, especially when they are quite young, it is best to have both grandparents accompany them as you never know what needs arise......from skinned knees to potty calls to broken pedals. And don't forget to take your camera! Amazing, simple, candid shots abound on these journeys.

Another thing the children just love to do that costs nothing is to play dress up. A former student gave me two bags of her dance costumes, and I purchased hats, boas, batons, swords, etc. at yard sales. Find musical instruments they can play, and keep antiseptic wipes around to hold down the exchange of germs. A closet holds these things, in shopping bags, easily accessible for them from the time they are three. How they love to try on these outfits, dance in, parade through the house to music, and admire themselves in the mirror. If you shoot enough pictures you can make a great photo show which you can email to them to remind them of how much fun they had. Be careful if you have stairs as traversing them "en costume" can be quite treacherous.

Get a few cds with children's songs on them, and then sing and dance to them together. The hokey pokey is a great place to start. Once they can stand alone, even the least coordinated or rhythmically challenged can shake a foot or toss in a right hand. Skipping is quite an advanced skill, so don't try it too early. One rule we have insisted upon is "no running in the house". You don't want them getting hurt on your watch! (just in case, wise to buy a box of themed bandaids to keep on hand!) We also try to designate "inside" and "outside" toys, some of which seem obvious (bubble mix only outside), but some can be either. We only roll balls inside, but practice soccer kicks, badminton shots and t-ball pitching and hitting outside.

If you have sleepovers, be sure you know what their nighttime routines are; this can make or break the experience. If they usually sleep with a nightlight, or in total darkness, or have a set pattern to their going to bed, you need to know these things beforehand. "Curtain calling" can be a problem, and you will be amazed at how creative they can be at finding ways to delay the inevitable. It is critically important that you respond the first one or two times, but then you need to firmly establish that it is time to go to sleep. You may even need to lie down with them until they feel safe and secure, but do not let them cajole you into getting up as you will just have to start the whole process all over again. Make sure they know where you are when they wake up, and, if they are quite young, ask their parents to provide you with monitors.

Tip #3: Try to get your children to leave their children alone with you! Having your grandchildren with you without their parents around is simply delightful! They all know how to push their parents' buttons (and soon will learn how to wrap you around their fingers too!), but you will find it much easier to interact with them (dare I say discipline?) if it is just you and them. Children need the consistency of love and boundaries, and yet will respond if you hold them to whatever you establish. Naturally they will make every attempt to change your mind, but hold firm!

I would love to hear from other grandparents about "traditions" you have established in your homes; we can never have too large a repertoire of these!